To begin this lesson let us use our imagination. --- Imagine you are on a very high 
mountain top; --- And coming down from that mountain is a really narrow winding 
road, and quite treacherous. --- For on the one side are shear rock cliffs and on the 
other side are deep ravines, dropping off several hundred feet below; --- And the road 
is crooked, steep and has fallen rocks and boulders strewn all about; --- And on top of 
all that, it has no guard rails; --- very dreadful road indeed! --- But down at the end of 
this road is a beautiful, lovely, peaceful valley of happiness!!

   Now imagine if you will, at the very top of this mountain is a very long line of
automobiles; --- And they are each waiting their turn to go down this mountain side and 
in each of these automobiles are two people with very happy looks on their faces. --- 
But as you watch them start down toward that peaceful, happy valley far below; --- 
You are amazed and shocked and appalled to find out that one out of every three 
automobiles that started this journey; --- ends up in a terrible, awful and tragic wreck!! 
And not only are those in the front seat often maimed and disfigured for life, but also 
there's some passengers in the back seat (little children that they've picked up along the 
way), ---And the lives of these little innocents are sometimes crushed and mangled also!!

   If you can imagine such a vivid and tragic picture as this; --- Then you can see 
something of what is happening today in this country in the situation that we call 
marriage. --- For indeed, more than one out of three marriages in America is being
wrecked, ripped apart and ruined beyond repair. --- And what's even sadder, we see
this among those who claim to be Christians. --- And just because there might not be
a divorce, does not mean that these so called "Christian Homes" are not a total 
disaster!!

                                 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

   Now I would like for us to prayerfully consider some things the Bible has to say about
God's institution of marriage. --- First of all let's notice in (1 Cor. 7:1-3), where Paul
writes; --- " Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man 
not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his 
own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife
 the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband."

   It's obvious here, that the apostle is talking about the relationship of husband and wife.
And he's saying in effect; --- That a happy marriage just doesn't happen; --- You have to 
have a GUIDE, and you have to have a PLAN; --- If you're to ever get down from that
mountain top, to where you wish to go. --- And if your home is not built on THE ROCK -
JESUS CHRIST, it will more than likely end up "ON THE ROCKS"!! --- You are going
to end up in a wreck, because you have not taken God's "road map"; --- God's spiritual
"Guide to happiness"! --- And dear friend, if your marriage is NOT built upon love for
Jesus Christ and His word, it will not be filled with happiness and mutual trust; --- But 
rather, torment, frustration and despair!!

   So Paul here is giving some instructions for marriage and happiness in the home; --- 
And he has set some definite "guideposts" along this "Highway To Happiness". 
                                      --- And what are they? ---

1. SANCTITY:  (Of Marital Love)

   Look at it again; --- "--- It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, 
because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have 
her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise 
also the wife to her husband." --- Now Paul, (speaking by inspiration of the Holy Spirit);
Is telling us that the physical expression of love (the marriage act); --- has some very
definite boundaries!! --- The Bible knows nothing of "Free-Love" or "Free-Sex".

   When Paul says; --- "To avoid fornication let each man have his OWN wife and each 
wife to have her OWN husband"; --- He is NOT talking about someone else's spouse,
(which would be adultery); --- And he's certainly NOT talking about having a "lover",
(which would be fornication)!!

   So, God has put up some boundaries! --- And these boundaries are not to hurt you, but
rather to help you; --- They are "guard rails". --- Someone says; --- "I don't want to drive
down a road with guard rails on it!" --- But please understand; --- God's guard rails are 
NOT there to "hem you in"; --- But rather to protect you!! --- You see, there must be 
boundaries for there to be success.

   What fun would a football game be if there were no boundaries? --- Even young boys,
when they go out to play sand lot football say; --- "This is out of bounds over here, that's
out of bounds over there; --- And that's the goal down by that tree, and up yonder, that 
clothesline will be the other goal!!" --- Even little boys know, that you can't play the game
unless you first establish some boundaries!!

  Suppose you went to a football game where there were no side lines, and a big fullback
goes charging right over the sides, over the bench, and up through the bleachers where 
you are seated? --- It would be kind of silly, wouldn't it? --- He would end up getting hurt
and so would you! --- And a lot of people today, are getting hurt because they insist on 
playing the "game of life" without any boundaries!! --- And just as there would be no 
such thing as football if you took away the rules; --- Dear soul, when you take away the 
rules that God has laid down for this thing called marriage; --- It won't be very long until
there is no such thing of what we call marriage!!

   Keep this foremost in your mind; --- God has given us some boundaries, NOT to hurt 
us, but to help us and guide us!! --- You see, in those boundaries (Every man having his 
own wife and every woman her own husband); --- Within those boundaries is something
indescribably wonderful; --- indescribably glorious!!

   The Bible tells us that when God made woman; --- He took her from Adam's side; --- 
He took one of Adam's ribs and miraculously fashioned the first woman!! 
   In (Gen. 2:21-23), we read; --- "And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on 
Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place.
Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He 
brought her to the man. And Adam said: "This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my 
flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man."

   And it has been said many, many times that; --- God did not take woman from man's
head; --- that is, to rule over him! --- Nor did He take woman from man's foot; --- that is,
to be his slave; --- and stepped on and trampled by him!! --- But God took woman from 
man's side; --- To be his companion; --- To be equal with him; --- Near his heart; --- To be
loved by him; --- And under his arm; --- To be protected by him. ---  That's what woman 
was created to be; --- And that's why we have husbands and wives!!

   There's an old Jewish custom that says; --- "Man is restless until he finds the rib which 
was taken from his side; --- And woman is restless until she gets under man's arm from
wince she was taken!!"

   You see, God makes us incomplete without the other. He said; --- "It is not good for 
man to be alone; ---" (Gen. 2:18) --- And may I remind you; --- In this generation, men 
and women, young and old alike, have gotten away from what God in His perfect 
wisdom has planned for us.

   Try to picture in your mind; --- Two streams as they come bubbling out of the ground, ---
And begin cascading down the mountain side until they meet one another; --- And they
mingle and merge until they become one mighty river; --- Never again will they be two 
wondering streams, but through the course of their life, they remain ONE!!

   That's the sort of picture of what God wants marriage to be like; --- For two lives to
become ONE!! --- Paul makes the parallel back up in (1 Cor. 6:16) when he says; --- 
"Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For "the 
two," He says, "shall become one flesh." --- And that's the idea concerning marriage; ---
"The two shall be one." --- And that river just flows on, ever widening, ever deepening;
ever rushing forward to fulfillment!!

   And so He gives us first of all, when we speak of "The Highway To Happiness" for the
married life; --- We speak of the SANCTITY:  (Of Marital Love)!! --- It is something to 
be set aside and special; --- That's what the word SANCTITY means.

   But not only does God's word tell us of the sanctity of the marriage or home; ---
                                                   --- But also the ---

                                      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2. SELFLESSNESS: (Of Marital Love)

   Notice again, (1 Cor. 7:3-4 NASV); --- "Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and 
likewise also the wife to her husband. --- The wife does not have authority over her own 
body, but the husband does; --- And likewise also the husband does not have authority 
over his own body, but the wife does."

   Here, the Lord (through Paul) is speaking of the SELFLESSNESS of martial love.
True love is marked by the spirit of giving; --- And that's one reason Paul says; --- "Let
the husband (KJV) "render" what is due." ---That's the difference between "TRUE love"
upon which the real home must be built; --- And "FALSE love that we see so much of 
today!! 

   Why are there so many wrecks along the road of life? --- Simply because too many 
people choose not to understand what the Bible teaches about real genuine love!! ---
There are bogus kinds of love; --- false kinds of love; --- For example, there's that kind
of love we might call; --- "IF" love. --- "IF you'll do such and such, I'll love you!" ---
Ever heard that one before? --- Sometimes a boy will take a young girl out on a date; ---
And he begins to pour the "sugar" in her ear; --- Promise her the moon; --- And says,
"IF you'll do this one little thing for me, --- I'll love you!!" --- "IF" love!

   He doesn't love her, he loves himself and he's lusting after her and using her to fulfill
his own selfish desires!! --- "IF" love, is not real love at all! --- It's a bogus, counterfeit 
kind of love; --- And you can't build a home on "IF love"!! --- And you singles out there,
don't you fall for anybody who offers you "IF" love!!

   Now there's other people out in this world who want to offer you "BECAUSE OF"
love, and that's just as bad. --- "I love you BECAUSE; ---" --- "I love you because you're 
so sweet!" --- "I love you because you're so handsome!" --- "I love you because you're
so rich!" --- "I love you because you're so strong!" --- "I love you because you make me 
feel secure!" --- And on, and on!!

   Well, "BECAUSE OF" love is not the Bible kind of love. --- And if that's the kind of 
love you have, I feel sorry for you; --- Because, "BECAUSE OF" love won't last!!

   What's going to happen when "BECAUSE OF" love goes?? --- I mean, you love her 
"because" she's pretty! --- What's going to happen when she's not pretty anymore? ---
Sure, you love her now, but what are you going to do when she's fat and forty? ---
Or he's bald and bulgy for that matter?

   You love and marry a guy because he's rich; --- But what's going to happen when he's 
broke? --- Will you still love him? --- Not if you married him because of his riches!!

   You see, there's something seriously wrong with "because of" love; --- Because 
"because of" love always makes you feel as though you're in competition!! --- "If she
loves me "BECAUSE OF", then I'm always going to be afraid someone else may come
along with more "BECAUSE OF" than I've got; --- And then I'm in a big fat mess", 
you see!!

  The stories told about a knight riding on a white horse; --- He rode up in shining armor
one day and saw a beautiful, gorgeous young maiden; --- Oh, he fell in love with her (or
so he thought). --- He had "because of" love, because she was so beautiful!! --- He said;
"Fair maiden, thou art the fairest creature I've ever seen; --- I want to marry thee and 
be thy loving husband for life; --- I pledge thee my faithfulness!!"
   "Oh", she said; --- "Handsome knight, you are so strong, so courageous, and I 
appreciate your encouragement of me, and your appreciation for my beauty! --- But
before we are married, you had better see my sister, because she's even more lovely
than I."
   And so he said; --- "Wait just a moment!" --- And rode off, took one look at her sister,
came back and said; --- "Oh, fair maiden NO, she's not the one I want; --- You are the 
one for me; --- Thou art twice as fair as thy sister; --- I desire your hand in marriage!"
   She said; --- "You shall not have it; --- You said, I was the fairest of all the women on 
earth, and you're desire was for none else but me; --- And yet, at my first suggestion you
rode off to look at another woman!!"

   That's "because of" love; --- And "because of" love is constantly being threatened!! ---
And friends, that is absolutely not the kind of love Paul means, when he says, "Rendering
due benevolence." ---What kind of love is he speaking of? --- It is "IN SPITE OF" love!!

   "I love you with no conditions; --- I just simply love you period!!" --- And dear souls, 
that's the way God loves us; --- He loves us IN SPITE OF our filthy sins!! --- (Rom. 5:8);
"But God demonstrates His own love for us; --- In that while we were yet sinners, Christ
died for us."

   And a husband is to love his wife, just as Christ loved the church. --- And need I repeat
what I said earlier; --- If you have "IF" love or "BECAUSE OF" love, I feel sorry for 
you! --- Only Jesus Christ and His gospel can make a home what it ought to be; --- And 
you might as well try catching moon beams in a butterfly net, as to try building a home;---
A genuinely successful home without the love of God in that home!!

   Alright, let's notice something here; --- When you're talking about the right kind of love
(and we're talking about the SELFLESSNESS of marital love; --- Notice that the main
burden is upon the husband; --- The husband comes first!! --- (Vs. 3), --- "Let the husband
(THE HUSBAND) --- fulfill his duty to his wife." --- You see, in the Bible it's always the 
husband who is the initiator. --- He's the one to get the ball a rolling! --- And it's the wife
that God made to be the "responder"!

   Now men, (as most know), the Bible does say that your wife is to be in subjection to
you; --- But it also says; --- "As the church is in submission to Christ!" (Eph. 5:24)
   It is not your job, nor is it your duty to FORCE her to obey you!! --- No where in all of
God's word does it indicate you are to make her obey you. --- NO WHERE!! --- The Bible
does say that you are to love her just as Christ also loved the church. 

   Think about it; --- Jesus does not force us to obey Him, does He? --- Of course not; ---
He draws us with cords of love, and thus we are bound to Him!! ---And that's exactly how 
we are to love our wives. --- You married men, let me suggest; --- If your wife doesn't 
want to obey you, and if she shies away from being into submission to you, perhaps that
says a lot more about you than it says about her! --- Think maybe that could be the 
problem? --- Most women wouldn't have any problem at all submitting to a husband who
is willing to be crucified for her!! --- You are to love your wife as Christ loved the church 
and gave Himself up for her. (Eph. 5:25) --- She is to respond to you as the church is to 
respond to Jesus Christ. --- Jesus has given us something wonderful to respond to; ---
What have you given your wife to respond to? --- Can you honestly say you have given 
your wife anything wonderful to respond to? --- If not, than don't be surprised if your 
wife turns into a bitter and frustrated woman!!

  One woman hit her husband over the head with a pot of Geraniums; --- Someone asked 
her why she did it. --- She said, "Because of that advertisement that said; Say it with 
flowers!"; --- Because he failed to say it with words!! 

   Husbands, let me tell you something; --- Flowers are fine and wonderful, but flowers 
are no substitute for WORDS!! --- You had better learn how to say, "I love you!" and
say it from the heart. --- Not only "how", but "when" also!! --- It's amazing what just a 
few tender words can do for a marriage relationship; --- Spoken in love, understanding
and sincerity, just when she needs it the most!!

   A couple were celebrating their Golden wedding anniversary, and they were living a 
very wonderful, happy and harmonious life! ---Someone asked the husband the proverbial 
question; --- "What was the secret of their successful marriage?" --- The husband said;
"When we got married my wife's father gave me a beautiful watch; --- And on the face of 
that watch, it said; --- 'Say something nice to Sally!" --- And the old man continued; ---
"Every time I look at the time, it says; --- 'Say something nice to Sally!' " (Of course, Sally
was his wife). --- And he said; --- "I guess if you get right down to it, the success to our 
marriage is that I've learned to say nice things to my wife!" --- Have you learned that??

   Almost always, when you hear this passage quoted from the King James version; ---
"Let the husband render unto his wife due benevolence, and the wife her due unto the 
husband" --- We have always been told that this is talking about the physical aspect of 
love; --- But the Greek word for benevolence (eunoia), is not just talking about the 
physical act of love, it's also talking about the psychological; --- bearing in mind, the
fruit of the Spirit; --- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness and self-control. (Gal. 5:22) --- 

   Oh, it surely gets to the physical part, but dear friend, you can not enjoy the physical 
part, unless first of all there's that psychological part; --- That romantic and tender part 
that God wants your home to have!! --- And so, if you don't give your wife something 
wonderful to respond to, --- It's entirely possible that she will respond in the wrong way; 
--- And if she does, whose fault is it??

   And may I remind you again; --- We're talking about the SELF-LESS-NESS of marital
love! --- Rendering DUE benevolence; --- The husband to the wife and the wife to the 
husband!!!

   The sad, heart breaking thing about it is; --- When the car wrecks, there's almost 
always little children in the back seat. --- That's the sad part, isn't it?? --- And dear 
friends most of us reading this have been, or will be affected by this sad experience, at
least to some degree.

   As a general rule; --- NOT ALWAYS, but as a general rule; --- If the home is wrong,
it's because YOU are wrong!! --- Let me say it again, in case you mis-understood; ---
"As a general rule; if the home is wrong, it's because you husbands are wrong!!"

   Where the home is concerned, you are to be the "shepherd", the "over-seer"; ---
You are to be the protector, provider and power in the home that your wife needs!! ---
She is to respond to you, and you are to render each other self-less love!!
                                           --- And finally ---

                                   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3. The SECURITY: (Of Marital Love)

   Continuing in (1 Cor. 7: 4-5); --- "The wife does not have authority over her own body, 
but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own 
body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that 
you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan 
does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

   Your home is to be secure!! --- And this security comes through a love that is SET 
ASIDE and SELF-LESS; --- And then, that is expressed!! --- And here, Paul is talking 
about how to keep a home from breaking up; --- Crashing on those rocks of marital 
infidelity!! --- How to keep a home SECURE!!

   And he's saying that there is to be that tender and warm physical relationship between
husband and wife. ---And the tense of the passage means that it is to be a continual thing,
a steadfast thing!!

   Now let's touch a bit on the "marriage act" or the physical relationship between 
marriage partners. --- And I don't want to embarrass anyone, but at the same time, be 
clearly understood. --- Sex is not primarily for recreation, nor is it primarily for 
procreation. --- Sex in the Bible is mainly for communication!!

  In the Bible when a husband and wife would come together, the Bible (KJV) would say;
"so and so KNEW his wife"; --- He "knew" her! --- Isn't that a strange way to refer to
the sex act? --- (Incidentally, this form of the word "knew", is found only in the O.T.)
   So what was God speaking of ?? --- Simply that the marriage act is a form of 
communication. --- It's a way of saying, "I love you", that cannot be put into words!! ---
And when you fail to express this kind of love; --- the home loses it's security!

   This is the reason why the Bible says; --- There may be moments or times of mutual
agreement that the husband and wife may set aside these rightful privileges; --- that they
might give themselves in fasting and prayer. --- (1 Cor. 7:5), 
   "Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give 
yourselves to fasting and prayer;---" (Even then, we're warned); --- "and come together 
again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

   Many homes are being destroyed, simply because of the coldness, the frigidity, the 
indifference, the lack of love and lack of romance, either on the part of the husband, or
the wife!! --- The security of the home is where a person is satisfied at home; --- So that 
he or she is not going around looking for some other source to fulfill that satisfaction!!

   May I put it plainly?? --- You see, dear ladies, your husband has certain needs! --- And
if you don't fulfill those needs; --- somebody else will!! --- Or a part of him will die. That's
about as plain as I dare to get!

   And thus, the Bible says; --- "You don't have the power over your own body, but the 
husband!!" --- But both are to show tenderness; --- You're to demonstrate love and 
affection, lest the devil -- Satan himself tempt you.

   Sometimes, you know; --- women are suspectful that hubby might be running around 
on her. --- "I just believe my husband is seeing someone else!" --- And you know what?
She doesn't take care of herself; --- She doesn't fix herself up. --- He's off on the job and
he sees all these women, all dressed up, neat, clean, etc;--- He successfully fights off 
temptation, refrains from lust; --- and then he comes home and she meets him at the door
looking like her hair had been stirred up with a pitch fork; --- Like she had just won first
prize in a hog-calling contest!! --- She's got what looks like coat hangers in her hair, and
meringue on her face and wearing an old faded house coat!! 
   Now I know it's not easy to be cooking, cleaning house and bull-dogging babies; --- 
And still look like Miss America when he comes home; --- But then, we hear those cries; 
"I just don't understand why my husband treats me so awful!!" --- Well, dear lady, you 
just might need to read and apply (1 Cor. 7:) --- It might be just that simple; --- You might 
not need marriage counseling after all!! --- You'd be surprised at what a little loving and
some hot biscuits will do!! --- It may be far more practical than you realize.

   There it is, dear friend; --- The SECURITY of married love!! --- The Bible secret; ---
The inspired key to married happiness is; --- "To try earnestly to satisfy the need and
desire of your marriage partner!!" --- Isn't that simple? --- In doing this, you will find an
abundance of satisfaction and happiness for yourself!!
     --- Please bear with me with this one more "parable", and I'm about done! 

   A man dreamed that he had died and went to a place called hell (But not the hell of 
which we read of in the Bible), and he was wondering what hell would be like. --- 
And there in "hell", he was amazed to see big long tables just loaded with sumptuous 
food. --- People were seated at those banqueting tables; --- There were smoking meats, 
luscious vegetables, pies, cakes; --- everything imaginable!! --- But the people were lean
and gaunt, and they were snarling and hateful and they looked as if they have never had
a meal. --- There they were sitting at this table, but each tormented soul was equipped
with long forks and knives strapped to their arms in such a manner that they could not 
bend their elbows, and they were trying vigorously to eat but they could never get the 
food to their mouths. --- The man was totally amazed; ---He said, --- "I never would have 
thought hell would be like this!!"
   And then in his dream he took a journey to another realm called "heaven"; --- And he 
was not prepared for what he was to see there. --- For there was the same long banquet 
table, groaning with sumptuous food. --- But sitting around this table were happy faces,
satisfied people, well fed and glowing with health. --- The difference? --- In this place 
they had the same forks and knives, --- but they were feeding one another from across 
the table!!

   Now do you want to be satisfied? --- Do you want to be joyous and happy?? --- I do 
not know of a better illustration of what Paul is talking about right here in the 
Corinthian letter!! --- The secret of true happiness in the married life is NOT to try and 
feed your desire; --- But to satisfy the desire of your marriage partner!! --- And in doing 
so, you will be sumptuously fed!!!

   The apostle Paul said in (Gal. 5:13); --- "For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; 
only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another."

   Our Lord, Jesus put it thusly; --- "Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, ---
do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets." (Mt. 7:12)

   And this one final thought; --- Little children are great imitators (that is how they learn),
and most everything they see daddy or mommy do they will try to imitate. --- In other 
words mom and dad, whatever bad habits you have in your life you can pretty well take it
to the bank, --- your little ones will at least try to imitate. --- And worse than that, if you 
threat one another with disrespect, fight, constantly argue and put down each other, ---
that's exactly how they're going to treat their mates, when and if they ever do get married. 
And guess what? --- When and if they have children they will instill in them the same bad 
habits. (sinful habits) --- And the cycle keeps on turning. --- No need to innumerate all the 
bad habits, you know what they are, don't you?

   By the same token, the Bible says; --- "Train up a child according to the way he should 
go, --- And even when he is old he will not depart from it." (Prov. 22:6)
   (Eph. 6:4) Paul says; --- "And, fathers, --- Do not provoke your children to anger; --- but
bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

   You parents; --- What kind of example are you setting day by day for your precious 
children?? --- And for each other?? --- THINK ON THIS, dear friend!!

                                                                    Prayerfully submitted in the love of our Lord;
                                                                                       Earl Wilburn

Any questions or comments welcomed: ewilburn@austin.rr.com