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                                         A Letter From The Devil

                                                                                         Hell Fire & Brimstone
                                                                                         June 20, 1954

Mr. Lukewarm Christian
1954 Indifferent Street

Dear Luke,

   I am a little worried about the work there, so I thought I would drop you a line and "encourage" you. You surely do not want to become active in the work and I do not want you to do anything that would hurt your chances of keeping our appointment. I notice that a lot of people are going to Bible study on Sunday morning, but you're not going to let them get you, are you, Luke? It is bad enough to have to go to church on Sunday morning. Do not let them think for a minute that you are about to spend more time studying that old Bible. After all, you might get to liking those people too much. Why don't you just wait until the song service has started, then you can stumble in and keep everyone else from worshipping. We don't care anything about worshipping anyway, do we, Luke? Therefore, we just as well keep as many others from worshipping as possible. Oh, yes, being late will make them stop all that silly work of trying to have a meaningful service. And that's what we want, right, Luke?
   One more thing, Luke, do not pay too much attention to what the preacher has to say, he's just an old fogy, anyway. Talk to your friends while he preaches and enjoy yourself. This will keep you from hearing, and then too; your friends will not be able to learn anything. However, if you do not care to talk during the sermon, just sleep. But above all, do everything in your power to keep from hearing the lesson. The preacher
is too hard anyway. He expects way too much from people and speaks too frankly about what is in the Bible. Discourage him and maybe he'll leave.

Above all, I hope you will not become weak enough to go on Sunday night. Instead, go to the movies, or just stay at home. Follow these instructions carefully and I will soon promote you from Lukewarm to Ice-cold, and you know what that means. Don't forget, Luke, to take your gum to church, --- chew it ever so vigorously. Smack and pop it loud so you can drive the people near you to distraction. That sort of rubberized gum is best.
And near the end of service, drop the gum on the floor, or stick it to a pew, so someone will sit on it. Be sure, too, to tear as many pages out of the song books and drop them all on the floor. Don't you see, Luke, how easy it is? I'm so much looking forward to the time when you'll be mine for keeps!!

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  Rev. 3:14-21 
"To the angel of the church in Laodicea write: The Amen, the faithful and true Witness, the Beginning of the creation of God, says this: --- `I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot; I wish that you were cold or hot. `So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth. `Because you say, "I am rich, and have become wealthy, and have need of nothing," and you do not know that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked, --- I advise you to buy from Me gold refined by fire so that you may become rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself, and that the shame of your nakedness will not be revealed; and eye salve to anoint your eyes so that you may see.
`Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline; therefore be zealous and repent. `Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me. `He who overcomes, I will grant to him to sit down with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne."